music, a lover.

What is it about music and me? Well unless you know me personally that's just a random question. Those that know me understand that question well but as of yet nobody has been able to offer any answers.

Here's how it broke down:

At age 8 I jumped off a barn. Told mom I broke my ankle running. Subsequently I was given a new guitar and showed some chords. I practiced my chords and enjoyed the guitar. I had to walk with crutches so I had plenty of time to sit on the couch and make little noises. It was all great fun.

One tragic evening.

The family requested I sing "Home on the Range" while I played it. I declined. They insisted. I declined. They made it an order. I complied. They laughed. I cried.

My 8 year old psyche changed that evening. I had always been the "class clown" type and was ok with some ridicule but I found out I was only ok with ridicule when I was asking for it.

I vowed never to sing again. I got over it.

I guess I came to a point in my psychological development where I realized I really wasn't too great of a singer, player, or songwriter and I really didn't care. I enjoyed making the music and I decided that was good enough for me.

I've recorded my own songs since I was about 15. They are all very distinct. I've yet to find a person that can tell me what style of music it is that comes out of me. There's a lot of country in there. Some 50's type stuff. Dissonance, sustained chords. Always a catchy hook. I'm addicted to them. But when its all brought together it's just, well, distinct. I don't want to sound all high and mighty but it's rather like when Metallica came out. You didn't have to know the song to know immediately it was Metallica. I'm kind of the same way in a whole other genre.

See, that's another thing. When you heard Metallica, not only did you know it was some form of Rock, you also knew it was Metallica. With my songs you won't be able to put a term on the genre but you'd be able to say, "Yup, that's JohnCub."

I guess I've had a musical bug lately that coincided with the opening of a local (to me) venue that has bands. I live in this odd place that doesn't have bars. With no bars comes no music so I've been being bled dry musically. Life on scan, no live music... gah.

But what gave me the bug? I think it was two main factors that told me to get off my ass and get to practicing.
1. Guitar hero. Here's my opinion of guitar hero: wtf. It costs nearly as much as a starter instrument when you have all the pieces. screw that, give me a real guitar. I'll never be a hero but I'll be great fun around a campfire.
2. Current popular music. I have no idea what the song was exactly. I was in the back seat on a work trip and the driver put the radio to some station with some song that I thought was a joke until it lasted for 5 minutes. It was so absolutely horrendous that I decided even I was better than that.

So maybe I'm not better than whoever it was. But it sounds better to me. I don't rap. I know I can't sing well but I try. I know I miss notes and entire chords but meh, it seems to flow well enough for my brain to smooth it over. I'm not a perfectionist when it comes to music, quite the opposite. I've often wondered if my genre should be "Lo-Fi" or something. AM Gold? heh.

Lately I've been riding a maelstrom of musicality. I've written two songs in the past week or so and I really believe they are of pretty good quality. They aren't recorded well but I'm not so worried about that sticky bit. I mainly record so I don't forget my own songs. I know that sounds impossible but I know from personal experience it is not only possible, it happens more often than not.

Anyway since I record my songs so I don't forget them and am ok with sounding as mediocre as I do I decided to put them online as I make them. The myspace band profile lets you put 6 songs up and they pay for the bandwidth. Seemed like a pretty decent deal to me so I hooked it up and did the whole friend list thing. Meh, I don't know. Over 500 plays now and I think only one actual comment on the music itself.

Maybe I'm wondering if it is better to be aware of people laughing and pointing or just to stay in the dark as I am?

Time will tell.


In the meantime, grab a lounge chair and a margarita and listen to my song Love Boat at my music page.