everyone should work at a porn store

For the first time since my days of squalor and hiding from the man ( ~ 1995 ) I do not have cable, satellite, or any other manner of watching television other than the local news through the rabbit ears.

I miss it not. The wife is beginning to twitch uncontrollably though.

Yeah, I really lived a life of hiding for a while. Let's just say my manner of paying for college was unconventional and considered somewhat less than legal. Damn the man. The man, we'll call him the DEA, showed up at my door. He (while it was really a they) mentioned that someone smelled an illegal (non-harmful) substance coming from my room. I invited them in and went so far as to put the concealed substance in their hands (of course it was inside the container I handed them.) They did not want to search what I handed them so off they went empty handed.

Yes folks, I not only have brass balls but I was as stupid of a person as has ever walked the earth. But it bought me one more day of freedom.

The next day we decided to head to another room for the evening festivities (on another floor.)

Guess who knocked?

Guess who left college that night? Guess who never went back to his room to retrieve his clothes, books, anything? Yeah, that's me.

Stopped by mom's in the middle of the night, informed her she hadn't seen me, told her I'd explain when I could and no, I hadn't hurt anyone. Headed off for the big city to hide for about a year.

I worked for cash for a year. That was the year I worked at the porn shop. Yes, it was mafia run. They were decent to work for. They paid me well and I kept the shop up. No, I didn't have to do cleanup duty. I just ran the register. I never opened any accounts other than what I had to. I had electric service and gas when I needed it but I didn't get a phone or any other non-essential utilities. I didn't buy a car; I didn't have insurance. I watched my back and rode a bicycle where I needed to go. I knew my routes out of town. I knew the dark corners of the neighborhoods and how to utilize them. I made sure my friends knew not to ask questions if I disappeared. Coworkers were not privy to such info. It was a porn shop and I was working for cash. All they needed to know was I'd be there when I was scheduled.

No, girls didn't come in. Well, every now and then on a Saturday night. I remember one couple came in and wanted me to close the shop so the wife could service me while the husband taped it. No go. I wasn't going to lose my job over a few minutes of good time. They gave me directions to their house. No, I didn't ever show up. I was sexually jaded by that point. It was but an act that many people went through.

I don't think everyone should have to hide from the man but I do think everyone should work at a porn store for about a year. It puts things in perspective.