Disturbed

I guess things are kind of crazy for me right now. Maybe I need to make some sort of change in my life, I'm not really sure what to do. Last week I had a dream that my oldest son and I were riding a jet ski and go cart and then when we got back home there was a pair of hands in a bowl. Turns out they were my youngest son's hands. There was no blood on the hands or on his stumps. I remember calling 911 because my wife was so dissheveled.

Last night I dreamt that I had to kill my oldest son with a pair of scissors. I think it was something about his body was bad (cancer or something) and we were going to have his brain put in another body. He took it like a champ, like he does most things. He didn't even cry. He died in my arms and then I woke up in a mad sweat. Right before that I killed a alligator/crocodile/snake I don't recall. I hit it with a bottle and knocked it out and then stabbed it with the scissors that I killed my son with.

Maybe it is the cold we're all dealing with. I've not taken anything for it so I can't blame the dreams on the drugs. I've not taken any drugs at all other than some tylenol this morning for a toothache. I wonder if the toothache was what was happening. I really don't know what is bringing on these very morbid dreams but I wish I could stop them.

I have been having my normal type of dreams as well. One of my happier dreams last night was that we needed to bend a piece of rebar into a double helix. It had us puzzled and I don't know if we ever did figure out how to do it. That's a normal dream for me. A puzzle that is partially work related and often math related.

Death should stay out of my dreams and reality.