Framed, a bit off the mark

As you might have guessed by my little sidebar over there I like to read books. Actually I listen to most of them but you know, 6 of one, half dozen of the other. Tonight I finished listening to Framed by Frank Cottrell Boyce. Here's the publisher's blurb about the book.

A few things to know about Dylan: He is the only boy in his entire Welsh town, so forget about playing soccer. His best friends are two pet chickens. His family owns the town's only gas station/coffee house: their pies are to die for, but profits are in the hole. Criminal instincts run in his family: his sister is a mastermind-in-training, and the tax men are after his father for questioning. And one more small thing about nine-year-old Dylan: the crime of the century has just fallen into his lap. With the same easy mix of wit, warmth, and wonder that made his debut novel, Millions, an award-winning international best seller, Frank Cottrell Boyce tells the story of a boy who reminds an entire town of the power of art.

Before I start picking it apart I will say that I enjoyed the book and may listen to it again someday. It is a nice tale about a boy who tries to help where and when he can but doesn't always think things through. Sometimes he thinks things through just fine but is persuaded to go against his wishes.

My first problem is the book is considered a children's book. It didn't read like anything of the sort. My version of a kid's book is The Mouse and the Motorcycle. This wasn't that. I suppose a kid could read it but I'm not sure what they'd take away from it.

Next up is the publisher's blurb. It is on the other side of the pond so not one time in the entire book is the word soccer used. It is football over there and that's what they call it. In addition the tax men were not after Dylan's father. The insurance men were. They thought he set up an insurance scam to claim on his Mini Cooper S like was in the Italian Job but it turns out they were wrong. They go on to say the family has the only gas station/cafe in town which is technically true but it leads one to believe it is the only gas station in town and this is not true. To top it off, Dylan has two pet chickens but it isn't like he sits around and gabs with them. They aren't friends, they are chickens and Dylan is a 9 year old boy. The chickens are mentioned several times in the book but not because they were out playing a bit of footie together or anything like that. Their names are the important part and that's about it. I think whoever wrote the publisher's blurb should put down the gin and read the book this time around.

The book did leave quite a few unanswered questions, and some that became questions early on in the book. I found myself wondering why the characters weren't wondering the answers to the questions themselves which brought me to the conclusion that the character development wasn't as strong as it could have been. Yes, Dylan is only 9 years old but when one's father disappears for weeks on end even a 9 year old would question where he is a bit more than these characters did.

In the author's defense it was a well thought out story. It was a tale I hadn't heard previously and it's getting to be difficult to come up with such things with everyone writing all the time. It had some colorful characters that took one's mind off the underdeveloped characters and kept the story moving along. A main theme of the book was change and the characters did do that well. It was very entertaining to see how each of them were changed.

All in all it was a good book, but there are a few things off the mark.

(Re)Learning the rules

In my effort to move more than Shakira in her "My hips don't Lie" video I have uprooted the family yet again. I don't think there's any surpise in this so I won't try to beat around the bush. I hated my job so I found another and moved. Incidentally, I have worked for the new employer before. It was during the dot com (dot bomb) days. It was a good job and I was a database administrator. I enjoyd the work but I saw the end of the dot com before it actually ended. There were some poor decisions made and I tried to get them to change their ways to no avail. I've had about 5 years to ponder it and at this point I pretty much just see it as a stock pump and dump routine. I know a lot of people made a lot of money but I just made my pacheck. My options never matured before the crash so I was left without the Mercedes, the houseboat, the house on the golf course. I learned a lesson though and that's what counts. This time around we're not dealing with publicly traded companies so I at least don't have to worry about that. I just have to worry about the rules.

I moved to a very rural part of America. They have their own customs and ways, and I'm ok with that. I think during the time I was away I sort of romanticized the area. I forgot the odd or bad things and exaggerated the good things. I'm like that most of the time, I prefer to accentuate the positive. Sometimes maybe too much. I know, you wouldn't think that would be the case from reading my rantings on here but hey, I promise its true. One rule that I remember clearly is when there is a funeral procession you don't only give them the right of way... you pull over. And remove your hat. And wait until it is fully passed before continuing on your merry way. I feel like I've already told you that. I feel like I know you so well. Perhaps we should skip the formalities and get down to what we came here for... Oh wait, my mind was wandering. Another rule is that seatbelts, and children riding in carseats, while still the law, are both optional. Just yesterday I saw a minivan with captain's chairs in the front. In the driver seat was ...well... the driver. In the passenger seat was a woman and a toddler. Not the first time I've seen that around here. I'm old enough to remember riding in the front seat as a youngin', riding all over without seat belts, and all that. I've decided my children will remain buckled into their 5 point harnesses in the back seat where they're out of my hair. ...and, well, safer. Another generally accepted rule dealing with driving is the optionalization of turn signals. Typically around here if a turn signal is used it gets the opportunity to blink but one time. There doesn't seem to be any sense in turning it on too soon because they might wear out or something.

So how am I doing? Well I'm getting noticed. People are starting to be able to recognize me.
them: "Who are you again?"
me: "I'm the guy who wears the seatbelt.
them: "I kindly know a few people like that."
me: "I'm the guy that uses his turn signal."
them: "OHHHHH, yeah, I've seen you."

Cobra Commander: What would you have me do with Washington, Destro? Pepper it with spitballs? "G.I. Joe" (1985)

As near as I can figure, the terrarists have won. It seems as though something in Washington DC is down. A major part of the internet, not some flunky intern on the president. I can understand an intern going down all day long but a router, what's the deal with that. The router isn't gaining any prestige or brownie points for that.

Rather bad timing for the ol' JohnCub family. We're on the verge of a major move and I need access to sites like ebaymotors.com and the like. Gotta buy the 1970 Ford Torino GT at a time like this. You know how it is. On a more serious note there are websites I need to access at this time. Moving company websites, utility company websites, my own email server, wikipedia, last minute porn, things like that.

The problem is that since something in dc is down (at&t to be more precise) any server on the east coast is out of it for me. I've spent most of the day on www.InternetTrafficReport.com but that doesn't tell you who the moron is that cut the line, it just tells you what is going on or what isn't. For me, right now, the internet isn't.

Just for the heck of it, a gratuitous link for the guys at InternetTrafficReport.com


The thing about life is that its always a bit of a challenge. This little hump in the road is nothing more than ground swell. We'll get a "funny tummy" from it but the road and the vehicle shall continue on down the road.


Next up: Wait, what's this, the family is moving from the paradise that is upstate South Carolina? (not really, if you haven't put 2 and 5 together by now... well, you're just here searching for slogans for companies ... which this blog has absolutely nothing to do with)

The charter bundle - just say no!

We lived sans cable service for several months. When we moved here we looked into getting cable hooked up and they quoted us a price of about $60 for a basic package. This did not bode well with me and my tight ways so I respectfully declined and opted to rent movies for our television based entertainment needs. It worked well for a while but then Charter, the conglomerate cable company, sent us a flyer advertising "The Charter Bundle." In case you have been away from your consumerism for a while, this is a package of cable internet service, cable television service, and a cable phone line. The price is $99 per month. We did the math and we'd basically be getting free cable if we switched our land line phone and dsl internet over. Seemed like a no brainer.

We're in our 2nd month of service with this nefarious package and I've nothing good to report. In this month alone we have had no phone for part or all day 5 times. This also includes our internet service. You see the phone you get from Charter is this magical voice over ip (VoIP) which works on your internet connection. I am able to tell you I don't notice any difference in the phone line when it does work. It sounds very much like a phone should sound. Unfortunately this isn't the Ma-Bell phone we are all used to. For example we all know that if you don't have a corded phone and the power goes out you can't talk on the phone. Well with Charter's phone service if the power goes out you aren't talking on the phone anyway because there's nothing to keep the phone modem alive. Sure, you could put it on a uninterruptable power supply but I don't know how long you would have power in that case.

I have spent about 3 hours this month on the cell phone with charter tech support. We have had a tech come out to investigate the problem. The tech told us there was a problem with the node which is apparently the main box that serves everyone in our area. He said that it works fine when the door is open but when the door was shut everyone's internet and phone went out. Their remedy was to replace the node. We found this out after having no phone or internet for 2 continuous days, me putting in 2 service calls that were mysteriously "canceled" according to the customer support people.

At one point one of the customer support people wanted to transfer me to billing so I could get a credit. After he took all my information and got me set up for a service call he transferred me over to billing. I spoke with the person in billing who had no idea what the problem was or how to deal with it so she transferred me over to another department in service. I had called for my internet being down and she wanted to know if I had reported my phone being out. I told her I had not but if they'd fix the internet the phone would work too. She thought it was 100% necessary that I speak with the good people in telephone support as well and before I could get a word in I was in the process of being transferred.

Now the logistics of this situation as a whole need to be considered. Say you're ... well, you. And you decide to get the charter bundle. And you find that for about a week out of a month you don't have internet service or telephone. If you wish to report the outage you either drive up to the local office if you have one or you call them on your cellphone. If you've ever spent any time on the phone with tech support you know the drill -- unplug the modem, plug in the modem. Now which lights are on? Ok, unplug the modem again. Restart your computer. Plug in the modem. What lights are on now?

If my electricity service worked this well I'd have built a windmill.

And you can quote me on that, because I just did.

I make it a point to tell all my friends now and I thought I'd let you all know. Avoid charter at all costs if you can help it. The charter bundle may work fine for you -- if you aren't really concerned about availability of your phone and or internet service.

Movies of mine

These are not in any particular order at this time. Maybe someday I'll organize them.


Groundhog Day
Office Space
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Castaway
Forrest Gump
Amazon Women On the Moon
Toy Story
Toy Story 2
Alone in the Wilderness (TV only)
Wild Wild West

My current "reference" movie: Shrek
-- As in : "Well, it's good but it's no Shrek"

Previous reference movie: Uncle Buck
Future reference movie: Uncle Buck and Shrek on the Moon.